I have been on the Spiritual path as long as I can remember.
Vivid memories as early as 4 years old of amazing spiritual experiences and connection with energy and the Spirit of all things. Growing up I never fit in one crowd, I was all inclusive. Old friends may tell you stories of odd behavior that they got a kick out of and eventually learned to embrace. I talked about soul, spirit, nature and energy. I attempted to illustrate unity and show people where they were divided, especially in themselves. I have always seen the heart and soul of people. I see their joy and I see their pain and typically can get right to the root cause of an issue/story in minutes. I have had to balance that with also looking into the heart and soul of myself.
Over the years I have journeyed through major transitions, milestones and initiations; becoming a mother, separation, divorce, shadow work, NDE, illness, deep soul work and the paranormal. I have been dedicated to the journey of inner alchemy and the art of healing. I see all experiences, circumstances, relationships and encounters as gifts for growth, healing and awareness. In my quest assisting others with their own personal healing and liberation, I have had to dig into the depths of my being and share my experiences. I am known to be an open book but this is one of the most vulnerable shares I have written in the hopes it brings some hope, inspiration or insight to another’s process.
My personal core wound has been around the absent masculine. I have witnessed this energy show up in various aspects of my life, especially relationships. I have been a strong independent female my entire life – however with the absent “father” and rape at 16, there has been much to heal within myself, especially Trust. This has been my life journey to heal and unite all aspects of my being and support others on their journey.
The past few years has been a deep integration and alchemy of the masculine and feminine energies within myself. I had to forgive my father knowing that this was all set up and lesson in this life. I had to forgive the boy that raped me and re-write the story and bring back all that energy back to me to create something new. I had to forgive myself for repeating these patterns unconsciously. One night in Egypt I was triggered by a practice that involved me being in my masculine. I couldn’t do it. Alternatively, I was guided through a journey to find my masculine and begin an inner conversation and start a new relationship with him. I also had to find my feminine. She was hiding and putting up a fantastic front. Through this journey began an alchemical process of restoring my inner relationship.
From a Shamanic perspective we not only carry DNA from our parents and ancestors but we carry their trauma and unresolved energetic patterns. This is why we see repeated patterns, behaviors and illnesses recycle generation after generation. Once we see the pattern or block…. we can shift it and create new outcomes.
Not only have I been assisting in clearing these patterns with others, I have been doing this for myself. Stories repeat themselves in different experiences. The key is to notice the energy or e-motion and then shift it and remove the old “charge” and replace it.
Several years ago I had an incredible soul retrieval when I revisited my rape in a dream. Instead of being a powerless victim in the dream I was a powerful vessel of healing and forgiveness and was able to transform the energy in that process.
In any trauma there is a soul loss.
Part of the soul leaves in order to cope with the experience. As we grow and heal in our awareness we start to bring these pieces of soul power back to our embodied existence. Not only are we shifting the energy we are restoring the energy of our being.
I recently met with my Shamanic Reiki students. We were layering in new concepts, elements and practices. It’s always fascinating to me that I will typically have a recent experience to share about what I am teaching. One of the concepts was shifting the energy of past events. I had recently gone through abrupt break up, one that I saw coming but did not want to let go. There was much love and growth, but there were still triggers that were up for healing on my own and not in partnership. In reflection, I noticed that there was still part of me that was not fully present, and not fully surrendering when intimate together. This was reflective of my partner at the time, yet it was something also going on in me. Beloved mirrors.
I consulted one of my teachers and he offered me some suggestions. I had another dream that offered some restoration, but I felt that there was something else my soul needed. I needed to fully feel it in the physical.
This is what I shared:
I spoke about my soul retrieval process that happened in dreamspace around my rape. I recently discovered a soul partner (not a stranger) that would help me through this in the physical. I asked the universe and voila he appeared. I shared with him my intentions and what one of my teachers had suggested. He completely understood and was willing to hold space for this process. There have been so many layers of this healing, this was the final phase. We agreed to be guided in the flow of spirit as to how everything would unfold. It began with communication, agreements and consent. Bringing all that back that was taken away from me. The concept was to reach the energy trigger point of the trauma and allow it all be be released and then once cleared remap the energy imprint with love, safety, and bliss.
I made it past the trigger point and while held me in complete safety and love, I felt all my power come back to me. It was like a wave of energy returned home. Incredibly Powerful.
Now, this is one intense example of shifting events from the past. As we have discussed you can do this in guided shamanic journey or dreamscape as well. I like to do it all!
This experience was such a gift and healing on so many levels. I have felt a full mind-body-spirit reset and much more that I am still processing.
He showed me how to receive, how to be vulnerable and trusting. He showed me no fear. He showed me his heart and soul. He showed me part of me that has been in pain, not just the feminine, but the masculine. He showed me a man who is completely open, loving, and understanding. He showed me selflessness, offering all of himself to support another soul in need, even while he is deep in his own healing. He showed me how to surrender. He showed me strength.
He showed me…
A reconciliation of the masculine and feminine within.