At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
I tend to remember words and actions as well, yet a recent conversation with a male friend shifted something in me. As I reflect on our relationship over the years there is one thing that stands out that I value deeply. He never lets a misunderstanding or argument go too long without communicating compassionately. We have learned that the best way for us to communicate is verbally or in person; text can become a disaster and we have learned several times from that.
What started out as a benign exchange, triggered and old wound in me. I have experienced with people, especially men who are not as understanding, open minded and caring in their interactions. My father told me when I was young that the reason my eyes were so big and brown was because I was full of shit. Others would not look at me when I spoke, ignored me, talked over me or belittled me. I was hushed. This was difficult for an expressive evolving feminine mystic.
This has been embedded in my soul/psyche for a long time. Even though I am known to be an open book, it’s hard to open fully when there is a programmed fear response. After a few back and forth messages, I get a voice message from him. His words hit my heart and mind in a different way. I could feel that this was not an ordinary message as it was reaching the core of my being, something was shifting.
He said, “The last thing I want to do is hurt you or make you feel bad…”
This seems like a simple statement, however, it was reinforced several times. It was not just him talking, but the voice of the masculine. I heard and felt the authenticity in his voice. I could feel walls crumbling as I was able to truly accept his message. The other thing I noticed is that once I felt that trust and safety, I was able to communicate and share without fear. He was able to share his perspective clearly. I then could see and appreciate his thoughts and questions without feeling attacked, wrong or belittled.
This is part of the Inner Alchemy that happens within all of us. When the masculine and feminine aspects can communicate in a place of safety, respect and care, shifts happen.
Each is seen, heard, honored and respected.
Two worlds wanting to understand the other and live in harmony.
Within and Without.