Today, I Rise…

There is a catharsis happening within the collective. No one is immune. Libra is balancing the scales and Venus brings forth lessons of love. Scorpio and Pluto are having us travel the depths of our subconscious and clear out all the shit.

All of it!

This morning was my breaking point with all of the news, stories, emotions. I needed to share my process, as writing has been a way for me to restore my voice.

I wake before the sun. Body aching, soul tired and praying for some relief from this pain. I see the dark of the night transform into a new day. When will we wake? When will we release the suffering of humanity?

Memories Flash.

A young girl waking up after a nightmare.

What just happened?

How do I get up?

How do I move on?

What do I say?

What do I do?

Is there anyone still here?

Is he still here?

I slowly get up and take a breath and begin to move. Terrified, I pick up my clothes and put them on slowly.  I wanted to burn them and this memory.  Everything was in slow motion. I cry, silently.

Why did no one help me?

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t speak.

No one helped me.

How will I get home?

As I found my feet I was filled with a faith that has never left me. I was going to be okay. I opened the door and walked through to the unknown. Not knowing who was left in the house or what I would say I just wanted to go home.

It was quiet and a saw a friend of my step-brothers  in the living room. I don’t know who else was there. He looked at me and instantly knew something was wrong. The only words I could say was, “Can you bring me home, please?” He asked if I was okay and I said, “No. I need to get out of here.” He felt my urgency and drove me home. I could not speak, but somehow he knew.

Once I got home I just sat in the shower and cried.

This experience has been embedded in my soul/psyche for a long time. It’s created a pattern of feeling not heard, seen, valued; that men just want me for my body. They don’t see, want or appreciate all of me. Yet, I am more than my body!

I have a brilliant mind, a generous heart, a sacred soul and a Holy Spirit.

It’s taken so much time to uncover and recover. To find my voice, to feel safe to be seen and heard with love, respect and compassion. To be held in love, verses held down and have my Spirit raped of it’s sacred expression. While I have found some peace and forgiveness…

I still scream.

FUCK YOU!

How could you, you selfish bastard, ignorant fool!

I take a deep breath and realize where all my anger comes from. Tears continue to stream, my heart breaks and the flood gates open again.

Release Me.

I’ve picked myself up over and over again. My voice is returning.

I am safe.

I am safe.

I am safe.

It’s incredible what words and experiences can do to a soul.

I have faced death more times than I care to recount, but in the face of death, I remember who I am. I have chosen to rise time and time again because their are deeper truths to be revealed in each breath.

I  AM LOVED

I AM SEEN

I AM HEARD

I AM VALUED

I AM RESPECTED

I AM CHERISHED

I AM BEAUTIFUL

I AM LOVE

A Daughter Divine.

A Woman of Wisdom.

A Sacred Soul.

An Enlivened Spirit.

Love Incarnate.

Let Love Rule.

Let Love Rule.

Let Love Rule.

I will no longer be quiet.

I will no longer hide.

I have been broken open far and wide.

I am no longer bound.

I was hidden and now I am found.

Today, I wake in the darkness only to rise again with the sun, remembering…

My Power

My Purpose

My Love

For myself and humanity.

Together, We Rise.

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