In 2015 the words Inner Alchemy whispered to me across the sands of time when I was in the middle of the Sahara Desert. They have been haunting me for 5 years. I heard a voice inside me, also echoed by many others, “You must teach the ways…“You have to write a book!” I didn’t know how or where to start, until today. Filled with inspiration and tears in my eyes I begin to share these stories and journey of death and rebirth.
In 2012 people were talking about the End of World based on ancient prophecies and the Mayan calendar. My family and I were invited to Belize known to have deep Mayan roots. I knew this was going to be the last family vacation of its kind. It was a magical initiatory and activating journey. Right around Winter Solstice I sat on the beach after sunset with the Caribbean Sea in front of me. I created a mandala and sacred space to hold a personal ceremony. It was one of releasing the old, cleansing, purifying and preparing for the new. The Goddess Durga appeared over the sea and merged with me. Our arms reached out over the waters as I witnessed the New Earth rise from the sea. For those not familiar with Goddess Durga she is a Hindu Goddess also known as Shakti or Devi. Durga is the protective mother of the universe. She is one of the most popular deities, a protector of all that is good and harmonious in the world. Sitting astride a lion or tiger, the multi-limbed Durga battles the forces of evil in the world.
The world was not ending like people had made up in their minds, but the world as we know it or at the very least, the world as I knew it was changing. Currently as I type, Enya’s Caribbean Blue just came on. Another confirmation of creating this book.
So the world goes round and round
With all you ever knew
They say the sky high above
Is Caribbean blue?
If every man says all he can
If every man is true
Do I believe the sky above
Is Caribbean blue?
If all you told was turned to gold
If all you dreamed was new
Imagine sky high above
In Caribbean blue.
My marriage was ending. I had struggled with this decision for a long time. I felt myself dying in this partnership. We had been together for nearly 20 years and it was blatantly clear we were no longer on the same path. The chapter was ending and I knew in my bones that I needed to be free from it. One day while driving in the car with my babies, I was prayed out to my angels, ancestors, allies and anyone in the spiritual realm that could hear me. I said, “I know what I need to do, but please give me a clear sign!” In the blink of an eye, a car behind me sped up, passed me, got in front of me and tapped on it’s breaks before speeding off, never to be seen again. The license plate said, “The End”. I burst into tears and whispered under my breath, “Thank you.”
Endings are hard as hell, however, I knew that I had to power through with full faith if I were going to create a new. In 2013 my kids and I moved in with my mother. The universe was opening up an orchestrating in my favor. I just had to trust. I was meeting people that were placed in my life to clear out the cobwebs of my heart and mind. It was a wild ride and felt like I was in my own version of Alice in Wonderland meets 50 Shades of Grey. I began seeing clients part time and working my craft of holistic health and healing arts.
2014 My Aunt passed away from cancer and medical complications. Just before she passed my mother and I were supporting her with Reiki. We could feel additional presence around us. A friend who is a Medium reached out to me. She did not know we were in the hospital but sensed something going on. She was able to tell us who was waiting for her, to guide her in the spiritual realm. It was absolutely incredible.
That evening when we returned back to our family’s home, I slept in my aunt’s bed. In the middle of the night, the light turned on. I jumped up out of my sleep as I could feel such a strong presence the room. I called out, “ Auntie?” She said, “Yes darling, I was not strong enough to do what you are going to do and this was the best way I could help you, all of you…” I just sat and sobbed. Not fully understanding until I was in the desert.
Soon after family came into town for her funeral service and my cousin and I were looking through some of our Aunt’s things. My cousin handed me a piece of jewelry and as she put it in my hand a strong energy infused me. It was a gold Egyptian Ankh. I wore this key as I knew it to be a powerful symbol and it would guide me, little did I know it was guiding me home.
People were coming out of the woodwork, books falling off bookshelves and vivid dreams all providing powerful messages for me. A Shaman from New Zealand contacted me to ask if I would collaborate and organize a healing retreat. I was honored and thrilled. This was all weaving and preparing what was to come. I also discovered that he would be facilitating a retreat in Egypt. I knew I had to go. When I voiced this to him, he knew I had to go too. I just didn’t see how it was going to happen. This was just around the time that I unexpectedly needed to move, find a new home, school for the kids and new work to sustain me and my children. I had very little money at the time.
Things were orchestrating at a rapid rate. I sought solace in the woods near where I was living to stay calm and centered in the chaos of this grand shift. I was granted a partial scholarship for the retreat in Egypt, and just needed additional funds. One day, while getting boxes from a friends house, she said to me with a twinkle in her eye, “Tell me about this Egypt trip.” As I began to share, I could see something was happening. I said, “I have to go I just don’t know how.” She replied, “ I know how. I am paying for the rest of your trip and I am going with you!” My jaw dropped, tears fell from my eyes. I did not expect that at all. I was in complete awe. I said, What?!” And she repeated herself and I dropped the boxes and we just held each other in amazing grace.There was no way I could repay her except to honor her by accepting this incredible gift. I had just started a new job and prayed I could get the time off. I explained to my boss the story and she said, “no worries, we will see you when you get back.” At every corner I was supported in this soul guided mission.
I was straight up, Delivered.
Prior to arriving in Egypt I was contacted by people there that had a familiar and potent energy. The Shaman I worked with was no longer participating in the retreat, but told me I must go. Even though he was not physically there he supported my journey the whole way through. My friend and I boarded the plane in Dulles. Security had to double check her bag as she was carrying a large crystal pyramid. We laughed so hard. We changed planes in Paris before arriving in Cairo.
Once in Cairo we were given specific instructions. Find a driver that speaks English and given them address to Sphinx Guest House. Once off the plane we went to get our bags. I scanned the scene to “find” our driver. Once he appeared the rest was magic. He asked where we were going, helped us with our bags, took our passports and somehow parted the dense sea of people as we breezed through customs. We stuck out like beautiful sore thumb, but somehow this divine force had us floating through the Cairo airport like royalty. The customs agent asked us with a firm voice, “What’s in your bags?” I said humbly and humorously, “Clothes, chocolate and a crystal pyramid.” With a stern face and a small smirk he replied, “But of course. Enjoy your stay” and singled us through.
We were then whisked away to the manager of Tourism Security, which seemed strange to me. No one else needed to go see him. Why were we singled out? Do we look dangerous? He asked us where we were going and called The Guest House to let them know we had arrived. He gave us his card and told us to call him when we arrived so he knew we were safe. We were then escorted again through the large sea of people to a car that was waiting for us. After a bumpy and exciting ride through Cairo we arrived in Giza greeted by the Ancient Pyramids. We arrived late and was greeted by an incredible soul named Gouda Fayed and his daughter who helped us settle into our room that faced the Sphinx (Durga’s friend) and the one of the greatest wonders of the world. I sat down in awe, checked my messages and the first one was from my Shaman friend who said, “Dear Bella, Welcome Home. Welcome Home.”
The next day our group all gathered for breakfast, acquainted ourselves and prepared for our journey south to El Fayoum. We caravanned for a time until we reached the village. The closer we got the energy in my body kept getting stronger. I kept saying to myself and my friend, “I’ve been here before! I’ve been here before! I can feel it in my bones. It’s crazy!” Tears would just spontaneously flow down my face in this Deja vu remembrance. Once at our Oasis and I stepped my feet on the ground a jolt of energy nearly froze me in my tracks. I had to catch my breath. There was something so deep stirring in me. As I walked into the foyer and gardens of this enchanted place I just stood in awe. A man walked up to me, one I had not met before, but somehow I knew him. Quietly, He put his arm around me and I said calmly, “It’s amazing, it’s just like I remember in my dreams.” He replied, “Welcome Home, Habibi, Welcome Home.”
Inner Alchemy: Stories of Discovery, Empowerment and Transformation by Cassandra Bellarei